we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
