ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
