Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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