Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
