OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
