I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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