when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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