I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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