i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
