woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
