Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Less talking, more tequila
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Congratulations! We have a period
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