At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
