I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
