Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
