I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
