What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
