You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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