If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
