I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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