Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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