The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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