At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
