that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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