I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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