good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
