Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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