i think my mom watched the whole time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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