My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
