i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
