Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
