is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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