Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
