I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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