My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
