the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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