are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
