you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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