the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why can't burritos get me drunk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
