some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
