Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
