Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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