You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
