Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
