I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
