If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
