I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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