Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
