I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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