dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
