Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
