but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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