it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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