Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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