It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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