my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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