u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
